Comfortably Numb

There are times when you're just sick... Sick of saying "Thank you" every five freaking minutes; sick of wanting to do things and then watching the shit while it hits the fan...

Sick of not knowing how to behave, who can be trusted... Sick of hesitating about your life decisions.

It ain't a nice feeling...

You see your life decaying, you see your so-called friends bailing on you (or you bailing on them... let's be fair), you see your fucking health reaching such shitty conditions you don't know what to expect anymore... You just have no fucking idea of who the hell you have become; you just cannot recognize the person whose reflection is on the mirror everyday.

Then... you just panic.

You panic so hard that people start worrying (and fuck you hate worrying people). The thing is, since you don't like them to worry, you start keeping things to yourself, avoiding conflicts; trying to make things easier for them. Preventing them from noticing the mess you are.

Right after that, you're lost.

You have absolutely no idea of how to get back to where you were. Situations become so complex you just get tired. Exhausted. You don't wanna hurt people but you just need to stop hurting yourself.

And then...

Then you start missing people. Then you start wishing for time to have stopped long ago... You just start craving for peace of mind. You just want for it to be easy at least one time. To have something or someone to rely on.

It's been almost ten years and I still miss you. The worst thing is that I fucking know you ain't coming back. I'm fucking aware there is absolutely no way for that to happen.

And, still, I can't stop thinking things would be much easier if you were here... backing me up. Backing us up... I fucking need you. We fucking need you so bad...

But shit happens and there's no other choice than wiping it.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
- Robert Benchley